Know what you are dating ladies……

Quick to throw that word out there….MY MAN! Girl please! Your boyfriend is not automatically a man because he can drink. Age ain’t nothing but a number.

Webster says a MAN is an adult male person, distinguished from a BOY or a woman. I also see a second definition that says A HUSBAND. I like analyzing definitions and explaining it in full depth since we have ignorant people trying to squeeze thru loopholes getting all rowdy “my boyfriend is a man!” Yea okay, can you sit down? Thank you. Since a MAN is an ADULT male person let’s define adult. An ADULT is a grown up or mature person. Maturity is when you are fully developed in the body and the MIND. In the urban dictionary a MAN is a male adult in maturity stages that can fend for himself without assistance from others. So in ebonics terms….if your MAN lives with his mother or in somebody basement not paying any bills…..wait bills is not paying for you cell phone line in your mom name, $200 to your mother every month for rent, or paying SOME of your car insurance so let’s not go there! BILLS are what is in your name and what you pay in full which means responsibilities! So let me start that phrase over…..if your so called MAN live with their parents (unless he is in school and saving money-which is a very small percentage in most cases), NOT PAYING ANY REAL BILLS, and has no real responsibilities, he is not a man. A man in training MAYBE, but until he is providing for himself, the full development of the MIND has yet to surface. Hints the name BOYfriend…..

Random Thought……

I always wondered why females get nervous when an attractive woman is around their man. I just think that a man will have no reason to roam or consider what the other female is about if you are doing what you are supposed to do at home. I have always seen females latch on to their man to let everyone in the vicinity know they are there/here together. No need for the extra stuff. You just letting everyone know YOU want them to know you with him. That doesn’t necessarily mean he will act like he is there/here with you…..

To Compromise or Not To Compromise............

I feel the growth in a relationship always starts with someone compromising as well as admitting their wrong doings and willing to try to fix them together. A lot of couples I have seen, tend to brush little things aside instead of working through them; not to say I haven’t done it in the past but I realized that addressing the matter and trying to make it right while understanding what was wrong, is better for the long haul. I have talked to a number of females with relationship issues that don’t care to compromise or grow from issues so the problem pushes the man away. I also talked to males who don’t like to admit they were wrong so compromising isn’t even in the picture. Let me stop using this word relationship so loosely. I know when people date they think that it is a relationship when in actuality it isn’t; it’s a partnership. A relationship is defined as a connection between persons by blood or Marriage, not dating. Dating is the practice for a relationship, so in the dating phase, when problems surface, attempting to solve them will be the practice test. Then that is where I feel compromising comes in. Compromising is a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing parties. For all those slow people out there, that sums down to settling a disagreement that can allow both people to be equal in emotion not particularly happy but by the both of you being able to understand what happened and how it can be changed so that it does not happen again. In other situations, giving up something you may not want to give up to make the other person happy. All partnerships and relationships should talk to one another because communication is the route to understanding.

What You Should Talk About in Marriage

If you haven’t discussed the following topics before you got married then you should do so soon. You want to make sure that there are certain things you both understand, if you want to have a long and happy marriage.


Sex
Most couples, even close couples, don’t like talking about sex. But sex can get you in to all sorts of trouble. You should confront and discuss different aspects of sex, such as how much and how often. You should also establish a way to gently communicate when one of you just isn’t up for sex, and how each of your will react. Some couples respect the other’s need to pass for now, while others establish a code of never refusing sex from their spouse.


Babies
Are you both on the same page with babies and parenting? Needs and desires can change, of course, but do you know how many, if any, children that your spouse would like to have? Are you both clear on how you will parent? Are there any goals that you would like to achieve before having children?


Parents
Opposite of babies are parents. Talk about your parents and what your relationship is to your own parents. How will you handle in-law interference? Do you want to be one big happy family or have some distance from your parents? Are there any issues that you may have with your relationships with your parents that might affect your marriage?


Roles
Getting stuff done around the house can be a sticking point for couples. What are your “messy” tolerances? Who will take on which tasks in the household? Which tasks should be shared? What happens if one person feels as if the other isn’t pulling a full share? How will you work it all out?


These are some basic discussions. Religion and money might be two other topics that require a lot more discussion, after you get your feet wet on the above questions. Would you like to see more about discussing religion or money? Just leave me a comment.

Simple Relationship Tips

1: Be considerate. Too many marriages lack this basic element. Just because you have an emotional commitment, doesn’t mean manners and consideration should be forgotten. Pick up after yourself, say please and thank you, and don’t take each other for granted. 

2: Touch, hug and show affection daily. A brief pat, a quick kiss, a moment in a busy day for a hug, can begin to put affection and intimacy back into your lives. Tuck a brief note of love in a pocket or purse. Make a brief I love you call.

3: Create humor and adventure in your intimate lives. Send the children off to a friends home for the evening. Take a shower or bath together, sit by the fire or simply hold each other. Make an assignation to meet at a hotel for the evening. Use CoolWhip or chocolate body paints. Making love should be a joy not a duty.

4: Sit down with your partner and decide on what destructive elements in your marriage need working on. Make this a joint effort. Even if it means practicing the judicious avoidance of interfering friends and relatives.

5: Let your spouse know what you appreciate about them. Whether it’s a talent for cooking or woodcrafting, thoughtfulness, whatever. Let them know you recognize their efforts. I routinely tell Dave how much I love and appreciate him for all his hard work on our behalf. How proud I am of his continuing education and commitment to expanding his knowledge.

6: Keep yourself clean and attractive for your partner. This is one area in many marriages that really needs improvement. Being comfortable with someone doesn’t mean not caring what you look like. 
7: Honor the privacy of your relationship. What goes on between the two of you needs to stay there. Sharing the blow by blow details of fights or your spouses behavior in the bedroom is really damaging. If you have  issues with your spouse, address them with him/her. Unless counselling is needed, changes won’t be made by publishing your version of a marital newsletter.

8: Share child rearing chores. This is not just a woman’s job. It takes two to make a child. Don’t expect a wife and mother to work with kids all day, care for your home and then be up for passionate lovemaking every night.

9: Leave the word DIVORCE out of your disagreements. It can become it’s own self fulfilling prophecy.

10: Never assume anything. Your spouse can’t read your mind. If you make a decision on something important, take the time to be certain your partner understands clearly what this means. 

Transition Chick

So I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about transition chicks. Which is a female that a man dates for a long period of time and goes off and marry someone else in no time. They take all the aspects of what they did with that transition chick, the fun they had, the things she taught him and display all those characteristics with his soon to be wife. Another thing they said that I liked was “A female thinks because they are a guys first that they have him because he doesn’t know no better, but what you are doing is setting yourself up to be that transition chick”. That’s some good stuff right there! Y’all females better watch out!

Ten ways to love ♥

1. Listen without interrupting. [ Proverbs 18 ]
2. Speak without accusing. [ James 1:19 ] 
3. Give without Sparing. [ Proverbs 21:26 ]
4. Pray without ceasing. [ Colossians 1:9 ]
5. Answer without arguing. [ Proverds 17:1 ]
6. Share without pretending. [ Ephesians 4:15 ]
7. Enjoy without complaint. [ Philippians 2:14 ]
8. Trust without wavering. [ Corinthians 13:7 ]
9. Forgive without punishing. [ Colossians 3:13 ]
10. P R O M I S E without FORGETTING. [ Proverbs 13:12 ]

10 Tips to Make your First Year of Marriage Easier

1. You are a partnership; 50/50.
   
   If you come into a marriage with archaic notions of 50’s relationships you will not get very far. Men are no longer the hairy hunters, women do not need to be tied to a stove. Just try and remember that if you come home from work one day and the house is a mess and dinner isn’t made; if you have kids, your wife may have spent all day chasing after them. If your wife works, her day most likely sucked as badly as yours. Even if your wife is just at home all day, she’s not obliged to be your servant. Sometimes you cook and clean, sometimes she does. It’s 50/50.
2. You are not the same.
   
   This may seem as obvious as pointing out the difference between hot and cold, but the author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” sold millions of books for a reason. For instance, the first thing men usually want to do when they get home from work is to chill out and do nothing. Maybe watch TV, shoot pool, read a book, just something to get out of a work mindset and into a different mood. Women on the other hand want to talk. They want conversation. They want to unload their day, as soon as possible. It’s oil and water, they just don’t go together. When you both realize that, it will avoid a lot ofarguments. How you reach a compromise is more tricky, but some guys have learned to talk about stuff that’s more interesting to them rather than the daily download, and their wives are happy about the genuine attention and conversation.
3. Sex is important.
   
   It’s not everything, but to say it doesn’t play a huge role is fooling yourself. After all, it was physical attraction that most likely brought you together. If you have differing sex drives, that can be rough. Work out a schedule that makes sure you get what you need and so does your partner. And sometimes affection doesn’t have to lead to sex. It’s fine to kiss and cuddle guys, sometimes women just need to know you care and aren’t just interested in the old in-and-out.
4. Have the children talk as early as possible.
   
   When my wife and I were talking about our future (before we were married) the question of kids came up. At the time I was 26 and I said, quite clearly, that I would not be ready until I was 30. I just knew it. My wife often brought the subject up but I was as sure two years later as I was the day I said it. I just wasn’t ready. We got pregnant in the winter after my 30th birthday. I think it’s important to be completely honest about this from day 1. Don’t pacify your spouse with a phony answer that will keep her happy and string her along. She’d be increasingly frustrated and it will always lead to arguments.
5. Think “what would she like me to say?”
   
   All too often we focus on our own feelings, wants and needs. But pause for a thought. There may be a way to say what’s on your mind in a way that she wants to hear. If you want time on your own one evening, she doesn’t want to hear “I want a night without you around.” Instead, maybe suggest she’s been working hard and deserves a night out with the girls. If she asks your opinion on what she’s wearing, don’t give the usual “it’s nice” or “looks fine.” She’s reaching out for a response that will make her feel good and she deserves a better answer. Maybe tell her she looks years younger in it, or that it really shows off her great figure. But please, don’t lie either. She’ll rip you apart and rightly so.
6. Learn to suck it up and say sorry.
   
   I learned my lesson way too late on this one. Regardless of who started the argument, saying sorry is an easy way to end it. Most likely you were pretty insensitive during the course of the argument and said some nasty things anyway. But when you do apologize, make sure you know what you’re apologizing about. Saying sorry is hard enough for most people, but if her rebuttal is “what are you sorry about” you don’t ever want to answer that with “ummm, whatever it is I did.” That’s a night on the sofa right there.
7. Don’t be a brick wall in an argument.
   
   As we’re on the subject of arguments, this one’s really crucial…don’t just sit there and say nothing, staring into space with a grumpy look on your face. For a start, it makes her feel like you’re not listening, and women want to be acknowledged when they speak. She wants to know you give a damn about what she’s saying. Keeping stony-faced with your arms crossed will prolong the agony and elevate the tension. Talk. Don’t shout. Just talk. It will help, a lot.
8. Remember to make time for each other.
   
   Once you’re married it’s very easy to forget each other’s needs. Making time does not mean putting on a TV show or a movie and sitting on the sofa for 3 hours (although sometimes that’s nice…but not every night). Make time for dates. This is especially important when you have kids. You got married because you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together. All too often we fall into a pattern of just surviving day to day, rather than living and enjoying each other. She is your best friend and your lover. She deserves your full attention, and vice versa.
9. Throw some thoughts at gifts, not a bunch of cash.
   
   Jewelry is nice. Clothes are nice. Perfume is nice. But it doesn’t really say anything about how you feel about your spouse. It’s not really thoughtful, it’s just a generic gift. When birthday time comes around, or Valentine’s Day, think carefully about the one you love. What does she really like? What makes her smile or feel good inside? The simple things work, like compiling a CD of the songs you would both listen to while you were dating. Maybe you make her something, or get her something unusual like adopting her favorite animal at the zoo. You will have better ideas but be original and make the gift all about her. It works way better than flowers and candy.
10. Don’t let the in-laws make your life hell.
    
    Before your wife started her life with you, she had another life. And it’s amazing how often that other life keeps butting its head in your business. Her mom will always be on her side, her dad is just protecting his little girl. Your own folks will be the same way, and before you know it you’re fighting each other by channeling the thoughts and ways of the in-laws. Just remember the most important person in your life now is your partner. You can’t pick your parents, you did pick each other. And you’ll hopefully spend the rest of your lives together.

I’m not saying that following every single tip will lead to a blissful marriage, but it will certainly help the first year go much more smoothly. If you can’t remember every single one and just want to walk away with one nugget of advice, just treat your wife like you’d want to be treated yourself…with affection, love and daily attention.
Got this from http://www.dumblittleman.com/2007/08/10-tips-to-make-your-first-year-of.html




Hope you enjoyed it!!

Adam & Eve & A Snake?

Some chicks can’t be trusted when it comes to men. Not saying men aren’t to be blamed in some situations, because they are. I have witnessed some chicks engage themselves in other people relationships because they are single. They end up catching feelings for the guy and can’t wait to weave you out the equation. I feel that those specific girls don’t want you to be happy. Those are the type of people I believe should be labeled as seasonal friendship candidates.


I can’t even label these “men hungry hoes” as women! I mean just sit back and think about it. When you are single and she isn’t, how often do you see her man? How often do you hear about her man? Then look at her being single and you aren’t. How often did she call or text you; let alone bring your man name up at awkward times? Again this is a seasonal person and her time is up. It’s clear to me she does not want to see you happy, yet she claims to be your friend. Is this the type of person you can trust around your man when you out of town for a day or 2?


I have observed this in maybe 4 or 5 different relationships and I will share 1. My friend (a guy), was trying to talk to a girl, she kept playing around acting as if she didn’t want to date him, so I advised him to move on. Life is too short for games. So he does so, and starts talking to another girl. Once the old girl found out she proceeded with sending him naked pictures and sexy sounding text at 1-3am constantly. Of course his new girl saw this and it was over. Now in this situation I would have deleted her number and maybe go as far as blocking it. Of course he was weak and decided deleting her number wasn’t necessary because she was just playing but obviously your girlfriend didn’t find that joke funny. I don’t want you to be cautious around all your friends but around the ones you aren’t to sure are your friends!

10 Rules For A Happy Relationship

These are some very helpful rules. We don’t follow more than half of these rules and we have small arguments that never made sense from the beginning. I will try to incorporate these rules in my marriage to see how it goes. I got a good feeling about this! Enjoy!!!

1. Never both be angry at the same time.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate (me heheh).
4. If you must criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once every day say a kind or complimentary word to your life partner.
9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.
10. Remember it takes two to make a quarrel.
    
    
    

Statistics

RULE #1
“Don’t be a booty call, If he don’t respect you girl he gon’ forget you girl”
-Just because a guy calls you doesn’t mean he likes you. Look at the facts; what time did he call you? Did he say in that sexy voice “what you doing, want me to come over or can you come over?”. Don’t be all naive talking about “he just wants to see me that’s all”. The more men you give your body to the less you will have to give to your husband.

NOW 2
“If he’s in a relationship and he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you”.

-Chicks act so dumb when they get to this point. Like honestly, you think that he wont cheat on you? He been with his last girl for about 3 to 5 years and you been in the picture for 4 months and you think you are exempt? Here go the phrase they love to give; “well he said she was nagging and he couldn’t take it no more and he is going to leave her next month” or “I am different from her he told me he would never do that to me”. Child please! If you dumb enough to keep a stray dog and you know there is another owner, but you choose to keep feeding him because he comes back, you are dumb!

RULE 3
“Tell him that you’re celibate and if he wants some of your goodies he gon’ have to work for it.”
-Unfortunately you haven’t even listened to rule one so this rule may be irrelevant so just exit this page………. I swear, girls believe sex is the remedy to keep a guy. If a guy wants you and you make him work for your loving, then it makes it that more interesting for him. If you just give it to him or any guy you date in the first few weeks, that is why you are single now!!! You know how many girls out there will give it up to any guy? You may not know but guys do……..sex will not keep him because it’s like cigarettes….he can get that anywhere from anyone!


RULE 4
“Be the person you wanna find, don’t be a nickel out here lookin’ for a dime.”

-Women be swearing they the stuff but wonder why they can’t have a happy relationship with another dime piece…..ugh maybe because you are only a dime to yourself. Turn the mirror on yourself and listen to the criticism that your ex have yelled at you in those break up arguments just so you can make sure you not short handing your significant other. Don’t expect to keep or let alone get someone that is perfect to you but not perfect for you…..You a nickel and a penny not a dime. You a dime when you present yourself that way and someone tells you that not when you think it!

When It Hurts......

It is extremely hard to be the same person when you are mad with your significant other. Even though the love is in your heart while anger is in your head, pray for a good outcome. I know when I would get mad I was not interested in anything being said but I have grown from that and have decided to open my ears and heart. Unfortunately arguments happen as well as disagreements but you must work through it. I hate arguments because it is hard to get back to the loving state that you were in before it began. Just like me, you must learn it is not the end of the world. Arguments happen from disagreements and can be adjusted by understanding. Just remember that however the fight started, the next time, you will be prepared.

C.H.A.M.P.A.G.N.E Wife

C = I am going to CATER to you for the rest of my life….this doesn’t mean I’m your slave but I will do as you please

H = My HEART is completely yours. You are the main key holder; please make sure it is not broken.

A = You are the APPLE of my eye. You are the reason I breathe and the splitting image of you.

M = We have some much more life ahead of us; a world of great MEMORIES that will carry on!

P = For the PATIENCE that you have assisted me in developing.

A = The AMOUNT of foolishness we went through to get to where we are now.

G = I am beyond GRATEFUL for what we have and what is more to come. We just have to pray and work hard to keep it up.

N = NEVER giving up on one another because of a small disagreement. We are soul mates and we have now become a 3 man army!

E = Is for EVERY precious moment that we shared. We have thousands of pictures to give a glimpse but only our hearts can tell the actual story.

-We shared vows and I officially went from your girl to your woman.-

W = The WONDER of the future. You are good at waiting for the future and I still need time to get on the boat and join you there and leave the past where it belongs. That is one of your great qualities and I love it.

I = The times we thought it would be IMPOSSIBLE to get to the point we are now.

F = The FEARLESS ways we have flaunt. We know we belong together and that is the end of that! No second guessing, the haters can fall back and watch while we do our thang!

E = EVOLUTION; we can do nothing but grow from here and I am looking forward to every millimeter!

I Found Kent Clark!

The first few weeks and months hanging out with my now husband, I remember like it was yesterday! We did the long distance relationship thing for a few months and I knew he was all I ever wanted and had potential to be the perfect match for me. Let me be blunt sweetie (don’t be mad, you know I love you lol)……but when I first saw him, he was at work. I was at work…..in my player days ya know…..he had his little Washington Nationals visor on (inside a building I may add O_o), braids look like slave braids covered in grease. All I saw was his face…..then people try to play me not thinking I would approach him myself…child please! I ain’t never scared! I walked over to this yellow chicken tender and asked him “could I get a large phone number”. This DC dude goina smile at me then say no, you give me your number…..no he didn’t just turn the tables on me!!! So obviously I gave him my number….not thinking he wasn’t going to call or that when he did call we would end up being together for the rest of our lives.

So after he called we hung out….I started braiding his hair because who ever was doing it before….Lord knows!!! Then the late night talks on the phone, the texting, and all the lovey-dovey stuff we still do now started to happen all the time. At first it was hard to date him because he was totally different. He didn’t like sports, I played basketball, he didn’t joke as much, that’s all I do, he wasn’t too family oriented, that’s all I got! We were from different areas so he thought ways that I didn’t think and vice versa. I still remember the day that I left DC to come to Delaware to start school…..it was one of the worse days of my life. To leave my love was sad, but we started thinking long term goals not short term. Either I would be back or he can come to Delaware to start all over with me! Well a few months later he rolled to Delaware and that is when this love and friendship began.

I feel that if you think something is worth keeping you better work hard for it. People make mistakes and have disagreements. Not once in our 5-6 year relationship have we kept something from one another….we tell it all no matter what and in some of those, resulted in arguments but hey we never held back. I am one of the most impatient people I know but I tell you one thing, the last 5 years was nothing but pure patience and I would not change one minor detail about how we got to this point. Yea we had arguments….crazy ones and small ones but that is what my hubby calls “understanding and growth” which I now agree with. We have come so far from that first argument that no argument that we have from this day forward will result in nothing but growth! I just want to tell all the ladies out there that think men should come in a package “husband ready” you need to put that crack pipe down. Just like men need work, we need it too; we just choose not to see it. I also want to thank my cousin Norman Bowlding who ya’ll may know as JB or @NJBDesignz on twitter for actually leading me to my love and not knowing it………..love, peace & chicken grease…..

I'm Going To Buy Your Loving

Chicks do some dumb stuff to get a dude and to keep him. I will never understand why be shy to ask a guy what he wants or what his interest are? Communication is the root to all relationships. That is the reason people cheat because they have inner issues that they do not want to discuss with their significant other, so they move on to someone that can fulfill his wants and needs off the top. So what does the girl do to get this guy she is with to stay with her…..actually what does the girl THINK she has to do to get this guy to stay with her? I seen some chicks buy clothes, shoes, take him out, cars, loans, and that ultimate Judge Judy case…..”that nigga owe me rent” (of course it’s after they broke up).

Why do you feel the need to buy all these things? Yea you want your man to look nice but let that fool clothe himself!!! You buying sneakers & drawls, nigga don’t care about none of that stuff. Material things does not equal LOVE….DOES NOT! Just watch them court shows, I bet each one of them is an individual suing someone they use to date and they want all their stuff back! Ignorant, huh? Yes it is!!! You the dummy that bought the stuff because you thought he would stay, then you caught him riding some chick around in the whip you got him……….broads now-a-days. In the course of 5 years, my husband and I have done so many things that didn’t cost us a dime and we have had so much fun doing them. I try to tell females these days how a man operates but they just don’t listen. I think our relationship is so successful (and I thank God for this) because we talk, we have joint goals, we know money don’t buy love……..just a quick thought I thought I would share. Just think before you invest in a guy; don’t give him your whole wallet just so that he can see you interested. Tell him you interested instead, it will save you time, energy, and court cost!

A Quick Tip

You would think that telling your significant other MULTIPLE times that something they do or say hurts your feelings or you don’t like it that they will stop. Ironically they don’t! I know you sitting there like why not; I thought you loved me. Some of you don’t respond at all or ignore it and let it build it as it continues to happen. Some other actually say something AGAIN not thinking about will they take it into consideration this time. If you feel it can be changed try to work with them and see what happens. Relationships don’t form over night, but I tell you one thing, you take the bad options and they can end in a snap!

The Mr & Mrs

What is your take on love? What does it mean to you?

Greg’s Response:

Love is a wonderful state of mind between two people. A feeling of long lost past friends from another life. Its a bond that you share together. It’s not just the small thing that lets you know love is present, its everything. Love is free, love is honest, and love is pure. Love; such an amazing thing truly from our God above. 

Shanelle’s Response:

To me, love is a strong bond between you and a significant other. It is something you can share with your partner in a manner that only the two of you will understand. It’s a sense of heaven, being as one, feeling like only you two exist in a world of sensation. Since the day Greg told me he loved me, I have felt more joy in my heart than the 18 years without him. He fills a hole in my heart. Just to see him smile and enjoy himself takes me on a ride of my life. It sends me to a hidden place that no one on this planet can take from me. Love makes me feel light, as if I am floating on a cloud of passion, or swimming through a valley of romance. I promise you if you every get to this feeling, you will know.

I Can't Stop Missing You

Here we go with the folks who still on their ex jock after they broke up. I have seen many ignorant diss and break-ups but I guess I am the only one offended in the break-up! I have seen long relationships last for years (in high school) but right when someone leaves for college, its a wrap! No matter what, a lot of females try to make sense of it, try to see what he is doing by myspace and facebook, text him, or call him and just continue to make a fool out of herself. I have seen women diss dudes and they are dumb enough to keep catering to her. None of this makes any kind of sense. If someone deliberately does not want to be with me and makes it be scene in several attempts to break-up or even tell me, I think I will get the big picture!

There are too many people in the world to waste your time with one who does not appreciate you or respect you the way they should. There have been some naive chicks that know their men are cheating and even some cases where their boyfriend lives with their ex (baby mama) and they see nothing wrong. Stop being stupid, and please let go. I know sometimes it is hard to let go of someone you love, but why is it hard for you but its not hard for them to leave you, put it that way! When you do try to get over it, don’t keep your ex involved in your love life. If someone breaks up with you, they will act as though they want you to be happy, but they don’t. They will ask who you been dating since ya’ll broke up, who you been sleeping with, and if you are happy. They only want you to answer, I ain’t got nobody, I ain’t slept with nobody, and how can I be happy if we just broke up last week because you need your space. Then your friend calls you and say they saw your ex out to dinner with somebody else. Ain’t that bout a snitch?! So while you home snuggled up with C Bear, Jamal is out having himself an awesome time with Ms. July. Just move on and live your life. Life is to short to be sitting here crying about somebody who has out grown you. You deserve better no matter who you are, and I hope that you see it sooner than later!

I Need A Boss

Most women feel that they “NEED” a man! Why do you feel that you need a man? Because you see everyone else with one? Are you lonely? Well get a puppy!!! But for you women who really really REALLY need a man this is for you.

Make sure when looking for a man you are looking in the right places. Don’t go to the club trying to look for a GOOD man, all you are going to get is a man looking for a GOOD time! Also don’t make yourself look like a fool. If you do not know what a fool looks like in the club watch “He’s just not that into you” and you will see a prime example. Depending on what kind of man you are interested in (physically) you have to fish in the right areas. Let’s go to the gym. Now in the gym you may find 3 types of men. You can get the man that know he is the “ish” and he is just there to seduce more women and or make his persona look even more attractive. Now to identify him, you have to flirt a little. If you flirt with him and he winks, doesn’t talk polite, or if there are other ATTRACTIVE women in the gym, he acts as though he is not really interested in you. If this dude has on jewelry while working out, he is a player especially if he has on a gold chain with a hairy chest, lol you know what tends to happen after that being said! He will have his cell phone on him, probably the least amount of clothes, and drinking some mess that got taurine in it. Please trip him up when he is doing jumping jacks, it will make you feel better. Now the second dude is clearly gay. Seeing that the first 2 guys are about 99% of the gym (other than women and married men) you have to work fast. To notice a good man that is just tryna stay healthy is extremely hard. He normally has an ipod, not too muscular but a little toned (enough to say he is sexy). Make sure there is no ring on any finger and I mean ANY!!! This is a guy that smiles at you when you glance at him, he is dressed in walmart looking exercise gear with some $30 nikes!! Don’t try to play him though, I mean he is dressed to workout. Compare him to the Money Mayweathers in there, matching in Jordan apparel from head to toe, looking like a walking billboard! Just be smart about it. You can find good men at church, some neighborhood cookouts, at school is a plus as well as at your job! Say a dude in the unemployment line, ask you for your number, wtf? How both of ya’ll unemployed and ya’ll trying to hook up? Not happening! Think about where you meeting these busted men before you get trapped on looks or images. I seen some dudes in the salvation army with a $400 outfit on, now would he get my digits? No ma’am, especially if he was stealing from there (which I believe he was). What you need to do is not look for a man and that is when a good one will surface!

No "I" in Us

Very often, during a relationship there will be moments when selfishness arises. Look at your relationship as a team, as if you are as one. Make sure you share; you cannot be one sided any more. When you make a decision you should ask yourself 2 things. Will my partner be interested, and should I ask them before I go ahead and do this. Doing this will avoid a lot of confrontation. Just think of how rude it would be for you to come home from work and your partner has cooked, for themselves. You have been at work all day, haven’t eaten at all and you come home to this, ignorant huh? Be considerate, stop only thinking of yourself. There are too many people in the world that will do right by your partner, so if you really love them, act as if you care about their being. Think about others, just remember, there is no “I” in “US”, it will save a lot of time and arguing if you take the time out to ask just one of those two questions.

Campus Love

According to http://media.www.dailyorange.com/media/storage/paper522/news/2009/02/12/Feature/Love-Lockdown.Three.Main.Unconventional.Issues.Destroy.Relationships-3626799.shtml ,“College relationships come and go - you never know who you’ll meet at a party, in your next class or even walking around campus. Once a relationship starts, it’s important to avoid the classic mistakes that can tear people apart. Things like cheating, clinginess or neglect are a given, but research shows that several patterns of behavior you might think are harmless could doom your relationship from the get-go.”

In college, the women (freshmen) and men (freshmen) come with a different purpose. Not in the sense of attending school, in the sense of relationships. The girls are looking for popularity, true friendships and then true love, in that order. While the boys are not looking. They are in footlocker looking at thousands of Jordan’s that will match with his entire wardrobe, but has no idea which one he can afford and how many he can wear at one time. Just because he has no idea, does not mean he will not try  them all to find the answer. 

The girls are dumb. Yes, I said it, we act dumb. We do not understand that females mature faster than males, and that our priorities are on a different level than the males. Because we act as though we are not seeing this, our men cheat due to our clinginess. Now neglect will come from the chicks who have hit the popularity chart faster than Lebron James. See now in this scenario, the female is in the wrong. I randomly see a guy in this situation, they are more prone to the cheating title. Trust me, I am not saying men are not clingy, I am talking to the girls right now. I believe that girls are very clingy in college relationships because they feel that they have to make sure every girl on campus knows that this is their man. She feels that if any second goes without her knowing where he is, he is cheating or some girls are making him vulnerable to cheat. Go figure! Again, I am not saying dudes are exempt from this. I have seen girls that have boyfriends who are so insecure that they feel calling or texting every so often will fill their hole of emptiness and not knowing where their significant other is. So you think that he is soft; not even! The reason he acts like this is because he has suffered from a case of neglect. He’s had a girlfriend in the past that neglected his every want and need and the reason that prior issue stuck with him was because he either loved her or had very strong feelings for her which was built up on a long term relationship. See how all of this is tying together? 

Cheating is a sucker move. Cheating in the dictionary states the meaning as “to deceive; influence by fraud”; in other words lying. I believe cheating is done to fulfill something missing in their own relationship. Why go out and cheat when you can just communicate and bring up these concerns to you boy/girlfriend. Why,you ask? Cheating is the easy way it, it can be worse than drugs. In some cases, people get it in their mind that they can’t be with one person for the rest of their lives, not realizing that ADAM & EVE were created not Adam, Eve, & Bosheeka or Eve, Adam, & Javonte.

Now clinginess; this is the death of relationships. Clinginess is worst than cheating and neglect because it is a main cause of the two. Clinginess is defined as “apt to cling; adhesive or tenacious: a clingy fabric”. Lol fabric though? If someone is being clingy, that means they are as close as my drawls on my behind, thats nasty. Okay so if I were to use this in a sentence I would say; Dwayne Wade filed for a divorce, and is not dating Gabrielle Union because of his wife’s clinginess. That had a banging ring to it! This can lead to insecurity, (which I will touch bases with another day) but is not a good look in a relationship. A lot of males in college would run from a female who acts as though she is a stalker, while girls eat it up and love the attention. Give your insignificant other some space. Do not call them every second or even text them all day. Time is good, especially time apart; if you are together all the time, there is not time to think about one another or miss each other. Stop suffocating each other, no matter how many songs J.Holiday make about it!

Neglect is a bad mother…….shut your mouth. Neglect’s definition says “to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard or slight”. Remember in “The Preachers Wife”, Whitney wasn’t getting much attention from her husband. Well Mr. Washington rolls up looking like a good piece of attention, to Whitney, and she starts leading to the path of cheating. This then causes her husband to be very clingy. Why is this? Hmmm; well he was neglecting his wife so he thought she was cheating, and in order for him to be back in business he had to become clingy to know her every move. Makes you think doesn’t it!! ^_^

He Said, She Said

The term, “He said/she said” is often heard in the unfortunate case of rape. In this situation the term applies to the fact that when there is little factual evidence on which to base a decision the jury is left trying to determine who’s story they believe and the case becomes one of her word against his. These cases perhaps illustrate the problems regarding he said/she said that couples are faced with in a relationship. Beyond the fact that in a rape case one or both of the parties may not be telling the truth, exists the underlying problem that men and women think and process information differently. The differences between men and women include differences in thought process, sensitivity, memory, and communication. A successful relationship is one that recognizes the difference between men and women and is able to get beyond the he said/she said scenarios.

Men and women have a different thought process when it comes to solving problems. While both sexes are capable of solving problems equally well the thought process involved in coming to a resolution varies between men and women. For men a problem is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their problem solving skills in a quick and efficient manner. Men see having the problem solved as the ultimate goal and they believe that the best solution is the one that is quickest and most efficient. Women on the other hand see a problem as an opportunity to work together and reach a resolution. Women relish the chance to communicate about the problem and the act of working together to solve the problem is more important than actually solving the problem. Women may feel closer to their partner, even if the problem still exists, if she feels that the resolution process drew them closer together. Understanding that women and men view the problem solving process differently will help a relationship to prosper.

Sensitivity is another area where men and women differ. Women have a heightened sense of sensitivity relative to men. This heightened sensitivity results in women being more prone to act on their emotions rather than on rational thought. A woman’s sensitivity allows her to understand her own feelings as well as those of others better so her reactions tend to take feelings into consideration above logic. However, men do not have the same level of sensitivity and therefore are more likely to make their decisions based solely on logic and not take feelings and emotions into consideration. This disparity can result in problems during a relationship because the woman assumes that the man intentionally tried to hurt their feelings if they make a decision that has this effect while the man may grow frustrated if he believes the woman made an irrational decision. Realizing that this difference exists will help a couple go get beyond he said/she said.

Men and Women also differ in terms of memory. Men have a memory that is stronger in situations where they can recall the details of an event by making an association with something concrete such as a location or item. For example men are more apt to remember an event that took place in a location that they are able to visualize well. Women on the other hand have a memory that is stronger when they are able to associate the emotions felt with that memory to other memories where they had similar emotions. This type of memory is especially problematic because when a women becomes angry with her partner, she is often able to recall other situations where he has angered her. Unless the difference in memory is recognized it can become a source of frustration in a relationship when the man and woman don’t understand why their partner doesn’t remember something that is so vivid to them.

Men and Women also often have different communication styles which can complicate a relationship. Men tend to be more introspective about their problems and choose to deal with them internally and without discussing them with their partner. When they do decide to discuss a problem it’s usually after much thought and careful consideration. Women on the other hand enjoy conversing about their problems with their partner and believe that doing so helps them to understand their problem better and come to a solution more easily. Women often use communication as a method for reaching a conclusion. They view the discussion as a way to figure out a solution. The he said/she said aspects of communications must be understood to avoid frustration and disappointment in a relationship. 

Men and women have different styles when it comes to problem solving, sensitivity, memory and communication in a relationship. Careful observance and understanding of these differences is necessary for a relationship to flourish. Understanding these he said/she said principals and being willing to get beyond them will help to minimize difficulties in a relationship in regards to gender differences.

Communication Is The Key

Most new relationships do not succeed because there is not enough talking. Talking does not consist of having conversations about your likes and dislikes, I mean really have a conversation. The first few months are the hardest. You have to get to know your new friend, mainly what they like, what they don’t like, what makes them mad and what makes them happy. Now to the grimy stuff!! You have to get all the details of what they have done and what you have done. I mean how many partners they had, how many kids they have, do they work, have a car; you have to get it all! As much as if may hurt you (WOMEN) you still have to know this. If he is still friends with his ex or who his friends are (so you do not accuse him of cheating when maybe his best friend is a female). Most of the time, not communicating will kill a relationship at the beginning. That is when assumptions begin, and arguments cause the end. So many of us young women have probably missed out on the man of our dreams only because of the lack of communication going on in the relationship. The more you talk the more information you gain. For a relationship to go to the next level you must gain as much information as possible and when you gain it, make sure you remember it. Men may act like they don’t care or have emotions, but if you forget something they said they will let you know how much that hurts them. Not saying they are going to burst in tears, but if they are caught cheating that is the first thing they will say; “You don’t care about me, or what I say so I found someone who does”. To tell you the truth, we are the reason men run away from long-term relationships. We run them away. If you just relax and not force too much on a man, he will realize how special and unique you are, and the he needs you, to the point where he will give you just as much love and attention that you are looking for.

Let's Not Get Comfortable

A lot of times in relationships people come close to the word comfortable. Not only men, women do it too! Many times when couples (normally young couples) are together for a long time they start forgetting what appreciating the little things can do. The men may forget about the flowers he use to bring her every Wednesday, the twice a month special dinners they use to have, or even the saturday night salsa lessons they arranged. Hold on now, because the women are as bad as the men, and if not worse! Women forget saying thank you, they stop appreciating the little things their man does for them, and they especially demand more of what they already don’t deserve.

Let’s define this word comfortable for all you folks who are acting as though you don’t understand. Comfortable consist of producing or affording physical comfort, support, or ease. So from that let me use it in a sentence….hmmmm….just listen to the song comfortable by Lil Wayne and Babyface. Someone I know has a problem with their lover being comfortable. At the beginning they were always together, she was all on him, said thanks to all his comments, and did little things that makes him smile. Because of the comfortable state she is in, they are no longer happy as it first began. To keep a relationship going so that it crosses the finish line for first prize, you must continue to keep the same speed you started with. Do the same things you use to do, and add something new to the plate every once in a while. Like having a couples night with other young couples every 3 or 4 weeks, not to compare your relationship with theirs but just to get some other type of insight on the same topic. Maybe some romantic dinners, random meetings with your partner after or before work, trips to jazz clubs or poetry nights (playing dress up), and even walking on the beach (septic areas for those in the ghetto) or during the sunset for an hour or 2 (or your neighbor’s bright escalade headlights for those in the ghetto). Relationships are often built on love and trust, but is held together by sincerity and confidence. Words to young relationships, please do not let things go by, keep all the loving things you do for one another stay deep in your heart and visible to your love. I hope this helped someone and please leave comments. Oh yea, and trust if you ain’t doing it right somebody will!! Don’t take advantage of what you got because things will slowly slide away from you like consciousness after eating big macs and mcgriddles for 5 years straight lol.

The Last Time

My one question to men; “Why do you do stupid things that you know will piss your girl off yet you do it anyway?” One of my friends in high school had a boyfriend that she was dating for about 10-11 months and they were so so in love. She was doing everything right and he seemed like he couldn’t be happier. So one day she decided to pick him up from school (they went to different schools and he didn’t drive). She goes through the halls looking for her prince charming to find his lips on another girls lips. So she leaves the school without confronting him, went to his house and waited for him there. When he saw her in her car, he looked scared, surprised and excited at the same time. See, he didn’t know that she saw him kiss another chick. So she gets out and he leans to kiss her, she turns her face and says not after you put your lips on another girl. You know what this fool said? He tells her, “I tripped down the steps and landed on her lips”. That was so dumb, was it not? Other ignorant times; like you and your boo walking in the mall, he sees his ex and all of a sudden it doesn’t even look like the two of you know each other. He ends up 2 feet away from you. He in the mall checking out other girls when you right there in his face, can we say disrespectful. How about a guy telling another girl that he loves her just to make her happy, but then his girl finds out. You make a stranger happy but you make your girlfriend cry. I think that is a little backwards, don’t you? It is funny how guys brain think 99.9% woman and would chase a 10 when they have a good 9.9 at home. What men have to understand is we do not have to be there. When your gold digging chicks find out that you don’t have money or that you live with your mama or let alone you riding the bus, you are going to come running back to your good woman. Guess what partner, it will be too late then. If women could make a database where we enter information on each man after we broke up, just so other women do not waste their time dating you, we would have a healthier tear free life.

Is The Heart Getting It's Money Worth?

Is it actually safe to ask “Is my heart getting it’s money worth”? I mean, is your significant other aware of the damage they may be doing to you. I feel sometimes you try so hard to do right and it does not end up the way you imagined; in fact it turns to the outcome you wanted to avoid!!! A lot of times you don’t feel they understand you or just so stuck in their world and their defense that they don’t care to understand (not purposely). In every situation their is a flame that was ignited by one of the two in the couple. Most of the time when that individual is pointed out, the flame turns into a damn forest fire! You may keep throwing water, salt, or even get the fire extinguisher……but this fire ain’t going out that easy. Me personally; I can’t stand arguments. I don’t ever feel that the problem is really solved, that is why the arguments surface AGAIN. You may think the conclusion is near and that the problem was solved but I doubt it. Yes communication plays a big part in that, but who honestly believes that during an argument a MAN or WOMAN is going to give in without a fight? Even if they are silent that does not mean that they are not fighting. Frustration also pours gasoline in the fire too. I swear sometimes no matter how in love you are, the other individual would love to see you burn, just a bit! Of course after they see you are getting burned they may try to help, but the fact that they burned you in the first place is enough. I am the type of person that stays mad for a while. I be damned if you going to curse me out when I may not even be in the wrong; you apologize, then everything is all peachy…….NEGRO PLEASE! Throughout the course of my life, during my relationship period, I have grown greatly, and I don’t care if no one tells me but I know I have. I use to ignore an argument without a care in the world, but now I actually attempt to fix it so that an understanding can be agreed upon. Sometimes; well a lot of times you may feel that it is not even worth it, that you can find better, when you not even sure that the BETTER half of you is getting away because of an ego or foolishness. That is where the question comes in……”Is my heart getting it’s money worth”. Honestly it’s up to you, because at the end of the day it is your life, that YOU have to live.

Shalonda & Ardarion

Married April 24th, 2010 - There take on love!




Christian love is giving to others those things that you would want them to give you if you were in their situation — and it’s doing so even if they can’t pay you back. In fact, it’s doing so especially if they can’t pay you back! Christian love is respect for others. It’s mercy. It’s charity. When the King James translators came upon the Greek word agape (God’s Love), in addition to using the English word “love” to transliterate it, they often chose the English word “charity.” This was meant to reinforce the idea that agape is a selfless, giving love. God’s Love is unselfish and unconditional. Now we know what is meant by Christian love. Now we know what to strive for… My fiance and I have sought to from the beginning make God the foundation of our relationship and we know without a doubt that HE is the fundamental difference and glue that has held our relationship together. We have been together for 4 years now and infidelity has not existed and arguments have been at a bare minimum and I wouldn’t trade him or the love we have been able to share for anything. I was pursued and courted something that I think we have gotten away from. At any rate, personally I believe it’s better to do it God’s way abstaining from sexual activity and building a relationship based on friendship first but in all cases the relationship should be based on love, compassion, trust, honesty, transparency, and the golden rule: loving others and treating them as God loves and treats you.

The 80/20 Rule

The other night i was watching one of the best romantic comedy/dramas i’ve seen since Brown Sugar (slight spoiler below, not too bad). Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married”, starring Janet Jackson and Jill Scott. To me it was true to life with the good and the bad. Please don’t hate on the movie because it is not predictable or cheesy. The entire cast nailed their roles…both jill and janet both made some fools cry tears of sadness and joy, but i can’t blame them for what they were going through at different times in the movie, I am just stronger than them :).

The main reason why i wanted to write about this is because i wanted to share with everyone (mainly females) the “80-20 Rule” for relationships. This rule was discussed by the four guys (in the movie) while they were sitting outside. The two “good men” were explaining the logic behind the rule to the two less than good men. Don’t confuse this rule with the economic and philosophical rules out there…this one applies to relationships.

The Rule:

In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need (not want). There are times when we will find someone who fills in the holes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. You dumb for thinking that just because your man don’t like pizza every night and you found some fat slob that did, that you found your true love. Be careful taking risks of cheating, or leaving your 80%…because what you will be left with, is that 20%. Obviously this is no where near as fulfilling as being with someone who offers 80%, even for those of you that are bad at math, this rule is TRUE! Now of course it had to be address in the movie, but its true. In the movie, one of the guys hates that his wife is overweight…he constantly makes fun of her weight and finds himself a thinner chick which just happens to be his wife’s best-friend, can you say lawsuit or funeral arrangements? He wants to leave his wife for her, and does. Well later on in the movie, he realizes he has this sexy piece of eye candy strapped to his arm…but she ain’t do half the stuff his wife did, hmmm wonder why. So this is where he is left with a banging piece of 20%. Same thing can happen if you cheat with that 20%…you may get caught, get the boot, and lose your 80%.

In real life, i’ve seen this occur in my friend’s and family’s relationships and thoughts have entered my head during my previous relationship as well. You have a man, but there are things he just doesn’t do for you. Maybe it’s that he doesn’t want to DO anything fun, maybe he doesn’t like to gossip or talk about mushy stuff, maybe he’s not as attractive as other guys, maybe he doesn’t satisfy you under the sheets and then…here comes Denzel, who can satisfy every missing link. Tempting, eh?

But you have to ask yourself if the list of things missing is longer than the list of what’s there. Like come on! That list is ridiculous!! Who cares id he don’t gossip, and you a fool for being mad for that. If your list of what he does for you is longer than the few things missing…try to talk to your man and make it work! But if it’s still a lost cause and the thing that’s missing is unfixable, it might be time to skip off in the fog with Humphrey Bogart. I believe that most of those things I have said, lol don’t be scared. I mean come on, if they are missing and they are important to you, then you can’t be satisfied by your relationship, but be smart about what you are asking for. If you and your partner are okay with finding a friend to do the fun activities with you, then no problem, but if it makes you sad that your man isn’t a fun activity partner, then it’s really just a waste of time. Imagine if you just ignore your dissatisfaction and you find yourself married 10yrs later, totally unhappy and feeling locked in! What you think, you can get a divorce and become a “G” again, HA, YEAH RIGHT!! You think women still trying to holla at M-C Hammer? Yeah okay! Good luck out there and don’t ruin a good thing if you got it, and if you don’t got it…move on!