Communication Is The Key

Most new relationships do not succeed because there is not enough talking. Talking does not consist of having conversations about your likes and dislikes, I mean really have a conversation. The first few months are the hardest. You have to get to know your new friend, mainly what they like, what they don’t like, what makes them mad and what makes them happy. Now to the grimy stuff!! You have to get all the details of what they have done and what you have done. I mean how many partners they had, how many kids they have, do they work, have a car; you have to get it all! As much as if may hurt you (WOMEN) you still have to know this. If he is still friends with his ex or who his friends are (so you do not accuse him of cheating when maybe his best friend is a female). Most of the time, not communicating will kill a relationship at the beginning. That is when assumptions begin, and arguments cause the end. So many of us young women have probably missed out on the man of our dreams only because of the lack of communication going on in the relationship. The more you talk the more information you gain. For a relationship to go to the next level you must gain as much information as possible and when you gain it, make sure you remember it. Men may act like they don’t care or have emotions, but if you forget something they said they will let you know how much that hurts them. Not saying they are going to burst in tears, but if they are caught cheating that is the first thing they will say; “You don’t care about me, or what I say so I found someone who does”. To tell you the truth, we are the reason men run away from long-term relationships. We run them away. If you just relax and not force too much on a man, he will realize how special and unique you are, and the he needs you, to the point where he will give you just as much love and attention that you are looking for.

Let's Not Get Comfortable

A lot of times in relationships people come close to the word comfortable. Not only men, women do it too! Many times when couples (normally young couples) are together for a long time they start forgetting what appreciating the little things can do. The men may forget about the flowers he use to bring her every Wednesday, the twice a month special dinners they use to have, or even the saturday night salsa lessons they arranged. Hold on now, because the women are as bad as the men, and if not worse! Women forget saying thank you, they stop appreciating the little things their man does for them, and they especially demand more of what they already don’t deserve.

Let’s define this word comfortable for all you folks who are acting as though you don’t understand. Comfortable consist of producing or affording physical comfort, support, or ease. So from that let me use it in a sentence….hmmmm….just listen to the song comfortable by Lil Wayne and Babyface. Someone I know has a problem with their lover being comfortable. At the beginning they were always together, she was all on him, said thanks to all his comments, and did little things that makes him smile. Because of the comfortable state she is in, they are no longer happy as it first began. To keep a relationship going so that it crosses the finish line for first prize, you must continue to keep the same speed you started with. Do the same things you use to do, and add something new to the plate every once in a while. Like having a couples night with other young couples every 3 or 4 weeks, not to compare your relationship with theirs but just to get some other type of insight on the same topic. Maybe some romantic dinners, random meetings with your partner after or before work, trips to jazz clubs or poetry nights (playing dress up), and even walking on the beach (septic areas for those in the ghetto) or during the sunset for an hour or 2 (or your neighbor’s bright escalade headlights for those in the ghetto). Relationships are often built on love and trust, but is held together by sincerity and confidence. Words to young relationships, please do not let things go by, keep all the loving things you do for one another stay deep in your heart and visible to your love. I hope this helped someone and please leave comments. Oh yea, and trust if you ain’t doing it right somebody will!! Don’t take advantage of what you got because things will slowly slide away from you like consciousness after eating big macs and mcgriddles for 5 years straight lol.

The Last Time

My one question to men; “Why do you do stupid things that you know will piss your girl off yet you do it anyway?” One of my friends in high school had a boyfriend that she was dating for about 10-11 months and they were so so in love. She was doing everything right and he seemed like he couldn’t be happier. So one day she decided to pick him up from school (they went to different schools and he didn’t drive). She goes through the halls looking for her prince charming to find his lips on another girls lips. So she leaves the school without confronting him, went to his house and waited for him there. When he saw her in her car, he looked scared, surprised and excited at the same time. See, he didn’t know that she saw him kiss another chick. So she gets out and he leans to kiss her, she turns her face and says not after you put your lips on another girl. You know what this fool said? He tells her, “I tripped down the steps and landed on her lips”. That was so dumb, was it not? Other ignorant times; like you and your boo walking in the mall, he sees his ex and all of a sudden it doesn’t even look like the two of you know each other. He ends up 2 feet away from you. He in the mall checking out other girls when you right there in his face, can we say disrespectful. How about a guy telling another girl that he loves her just to make her happy, but then his girl finds out. You make a stranger happy but you make your girlfriend cry. I think that is a little backwards, don’t you? It is funny how guys brain think 99.9% woman and would chase a 10 when they have a good 9.9 at home. What men have to understand is we do not have to be there. When your gold digging chicks find out that you don’t have money or that you live with your mama or let alone you riding the bus, you are going to come running back to your good woman. Guess what partner, it will be too late then. If women could make a database where we enter information on each man after we broke up, just so other women do not waste their time dating you, we would have a healthier tear free life.

Is The Heart Getting It's Money Worth?

Is it actually safe to ask “Is my heart getting it’s money worth”? I mean, is your significant other aware of the damage they may be doing to you. I feel sometimes you try so hard to do right and it does not end up the way you imagined; in fact it turns to the outcome you wanted to avoid!!! A lot of times you don’t feel they understand you or just so stuck in their world and their defense that they don’t care to understand (not purposely). In every situation their is a flame that was ignited by one of the two in the couple. Most of the time when that individual is pointed out, the flame turns into a damn forest fire! You may keep throwing water, salt, or even get the fire extinguisher……but this fire ain’t going out that easy. Me personally; I can’t stand arguments. I don’t ever feel that the problem is really solved, that is why the arguments surface AGAIN. You may think the conclusion is near and that the problem was solved but I doubt it. Yes communication plays a big part in that, but who honestly believes that during an argument a MAN or WOMAN is going to give in without a fight? Even if they are silent that does not mean that they are not fighting. Frustration also pours gasoline in the fire too. I swear sometimes no matter how in love you are, the other individual would love to see you burn, just a bit! Of course after they see you are getting burned they may try to help, but the fact that they burned you in the first place is enough. I am the type of person that stays mad for a while. I be damned if you going to curse me out when I may not even be in the wrong; you apologize, then everything is all peachy…….NEGRO PLEASE! Throughout the course of my life, during my relationship period, I have grown greatly, and I don’t care if no one tells me but I know I have. I use to ignore an argument without a care in the world, but now I actually attempt to fix it so that an understanding can be agreed upon. Sometimes; well a lot of times you may feel that it is not even worth it, that you can find better, when you not even sure that the BETTER half of you is getting away because of an ego or foolishness. That is where the question comes in……”Is my heart getting it’s money worth”. Honestly it’s up to you, because at the end of the day it is your life, that YOU have to live.

I’m sorry males but I have to do this because of you! Why are the things we ask you to do so difficult for you to do. For example, my aunt asked my uncle to let her know when he leaves or gets home just so she knows he is safe. They were married for 10 years and he never did it! Like “wtf”? Why can’t you do the smallest thing for your girl if you love her so much. But oh wait, here is what they say “We paid for you every time we go out” or “that is small and stupid, why you mad over that”? So what that tells me is that you don’t care about our feelings because that issue is small to you, how nice. Then why when you are confronted you blow up? These are all questions I would love for just one man to answer; I have yet to get a straight or civilized answer. This was just a short piece of info that was on my mind!!

The Little Things.......

A lot of people feel that it has to be a certain day to do something big or romantic, who said so? Any day of the week, month, or year you should be able to do whatever you please. You can do small things though. You do not have to go all out, such as cruises, weekend trips or $500 get-a-ways. You can buy a card from walmart, you know the $0.48 cards (lol) that is labeled “Thinking of you”, put a place and time to meet you somewhere, the attire, and seal it with a kiss. Hide it in a place you know your significant other will look, and follow through with the plan. You can even send a small treat once a month or week, however big your pockets are hanging, to their job and surprise them, just to let them know that you are thinking of them. These small actions can make a huge difference in your bond and love for your partner. The thing I like to do is hide things around the house or his car and don’t tell him. Hopefully he discovers it, and when he does that will light up his moment, whether he finds it when I am there or not. I know ya’ll learned something from Destiny’s Child when they sung “Cater to you”! If not, I feel bad for you!! Hopefully this helped some of ya’ll boring and whack relationships, because I can tell you now, this will make a significant change in their hearts!

A Sexy Surprise

Many women don’t understand why their men get bored or cheat. I personally don’t understand why men cheat, because if you don’t want to be with someone let them know, but that is another day and another blog! Any who, women! We need to take charge and keep out men with only there eyes for us. I know you read the other blog (The Little Things) and if not, you should. Go out and buy some lingerie, make a nice candle light dinner (take out if you are cooking impaired), and I should not have to tell you what to do from there! Just make a special day for your man. Make him feel important and wanted. Come on girls, if you got a good man let’s make sure you let him know that by pulling him closer not pushing him away.